CW: Mental Illness, Personal Struggle
That very fateful event happened to me two days ago. I’m on Geodon, which is an antipsychotic and it is supposed to prevent anxiety or manic episodes in general. I was feeling so good on a wednesday morning, that I decided to cut my geodon in half. Only take the night dose, we don’t need the day dose. Well, that day I started to get really squirrelly (I use the term “squirrelly” to describe the following: dilated eyes, over hyped with energy, restless, can’t stop talking, and my mind racing, you know, kind of like how a squirrel moves from tree to tree) and broke in to take my geodon. I felt better and exhausted once I took the medication.
Then the inevitable happened. I went to my pharmacy to refill my geodon and my doctor placed in the wrong drug prescription. I had another drug refilled (abilify, this drug didn’t work so well with me) instead of my geodon. Well, I then called my doctor and she placed in the right prescription. I went to the pharmacy, with no geodon in my system, and asked them to refill it. They didn’t have the medication ready until 2pm, and I start work at 2pm. Thus, I couldn’t take the medication later, because I double up on the medication at night. I had to work an entire shift with no antipsychotics in my system.
Throughout the shift, I took it easy to try and prevent a psychotic episode from occurring. How it works, is stress increases the incidents of episodes, depressive or manic. Then, if the stress is still too high with reference to a manic or depressive episode, then those episodes lead to psychotic episodes. Needless to say, when people have bipolar disorder, stress management has never been more important.
…treading on the edge of full blown disorientation and lack of awareness.
Samantha
During my shift, I was in psychosis, treading on the edge of full blown disorientation and lack of awareness. For about two to three minutes, I wondered who I was and where I was. I was able to focus hard enough to snap out of it so to speak. Everything I was looking at was moving. Songs were stuck in my head and I felt like I was a ghost inside my body. My body was moving without me, and I felt dizzy and uncoordinated. How did I get through the night? Music. Music really helps.
I finally got my geodon last night and boy was I relieved after I took it. I had a good night sleep, and had some just now and feel ok. Never again will I underestimate my medication. So, if you have bipolar disorder and feel that you don’t need your medicine, please don’t stop taking it. If you feel alright, that means your medication is working.
{This Post is taken from Samantha’s blog “Bipolar Disorder And Not The DSM-5 Version.” It can be found here.}
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